Robertson Leg-Presses for the Lord

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Pat Robertson’s age-defying protein shake enables him to leg press 2,000 pounds, beating the all-time record by 665 pounds.

What would Jesus have pressed?  The mute button, most likely.

Comments

[ahfukit]

Got this from a member of the leg press:

Venus vibrance displaces divine!

Robertson needs more than outlandish claims to compete with hot pink 'leg-related activities' like these...

[ahfukit]

(dig the new graphic, btw)

[Felix del Campo]

Robertson's got nothing on Venus Vibrance. I myself have been watching with dismay the advances in shaving technology. I'm still a Trac II kind of guy, and I think Gillette is up to four blades now.

By the way, it's worth listening to the vaguely sexual audio of the Robertson leg-press video--grunt, grunt, grunt. He's clearly starting to branch out into new markets.

[Bertrand-Honoré Loupgaroux]

The Robertson leg press method is a form of exercise which does not have a fixed place in the classic topography of physical culture. The bestial grunting is a celebration of his findings, which limn the divine in much the same way as his preaching. But they are also cries of existential pain, for the misunderstandings that pursue him like furies.

[Felix del Campo]

Mais oui, B-H. There's so much to misunderstand and so little time. Was it by chance that the interlocutor in his leg-press video was Black? or was there some racial coding going on to widen his appeal? Does he really believe people will drink his protein shake to be more like him? Did NOW really say that in order to be woman, a woman has to be a lesbian?

[Bertrand-Honoré Loupgaroux]

Can we agree that we must contemplate these misunderstandings in the style of a de Tocqueville, and renounce the timidity, the vast empty desert of irritability, that so plagues the intellectual discourse of this country?

This is not the first time I have had occasion to remonstrate with my American friends. I come to help.

[Felix del Campo]

Well said, mon ami. I'm guessing your letter went over about as well as a bowl of fried turds, although I'm grateful to you for trying. What do you think is the key to waking the American Left from its long slumber?

[Bertrand-Honoré Loupgaroux]

Indeed it did! Many pointed out to me that Susan Sontag was dead, the fact of which had escaped me. Others said that my mention of disagreement with Tony Kushner was irrelevant and gratuitous. The majority wondered why I conflated the left with Democrats and MoveOn, and ignored attempts by the left to break through the media firewalls and prim political correctness of the political class. Why would I grant the wingnuts the legitimacy of their narrative? they asked.

But I come not with answers. I come with questions, as socratic goads, with a worried moue and, of course, with well-moussed hair. Ho, ho! I jest! I jest!

The simple practicalities of revitalizing the left, which I take to mean getting left wing politicians into office, is a leg breaking affair. You would have to punish your disingenuously feckless elite. Your Clintons, your Kerrys -- they defund you and demoralize you in the same way your wingnuts destroy communities. They applaud your efforts, shed fat tears of understanding your pain, then they give you unfunded, de facto mandates, promise better efforts, talk tough and then go windsurfing.

In my country, these things would destroy their legitimacy and people withdraw their consent. They become refuseniks first and sometimes mobilize to shut down business as usual. The elite know they will make themselves ungovernable, in both active and passive ways. This forces a degree of circumspection.

A man with whom I disagree on most things, Murray Kempton, who I do realise is dead, spoke of costing them office, cutting off their utility to the people who form the elite consensus. It would certainly be more demonstrative of your intent than collecting Howard Dean campaign mousepads.

[ahfukit]

Jeez, BHL, you had me at bestial grunting (or was that FDC?) Here's pie in your eye, podner, ¡salud!

[Bertrand-Honoré Loupgaroux]

The pie, good 'fukit, is a useful tool for those who lack other means with which they might articulate their position! It tests the mettle of the recipient in ways that do not have a fixed place in the classic topography of intellectual discourse.

[Felix del Campo]

Mousse. Pie. Protein shakes. All this talk of cosmestibles makes me to have hunger. I look to the Right and there is no food; I look to the Left and there's nothing but an empty desert of irritability.

[J. Alva Scruggs]

People want a place to go or something they can do when an argument favoring rejection of a bad binary becomes sufficiently compelling. My view is that we're still working on the pre-political and rejection is enough at this time. But you can't easily "sell" that to people who've paid some dues already.

I like pecan pie and triple sweetened coffee. Know any good places, Felix?