The FOX News Report

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Roving Last Days reporter Rachel Tension watched FOX News for fifteen minutes today and filed this report …

“Well, Felix, it’s looking pretty Right Wing on FOX News tonight.  The lead item on Iran was clearly written to stir up anti-Iranian sentiment.  FOX News reported that Iran had essentially dared the United Nations to impose sanctions.  ‘Prices at the pump will rise,’ taunted the Iranian Foreign Minister.  Looks like they’ve got us by the balls.

“There was a story on the ‘Day Without an Immigrant’ protests planned for May 1st.  As you know, Felix, pro-immigration activists urged immigrants and their supporters to stay home from work on May 1st to underscore the importance of immigrants to our national economy.  FOX News reporter Adam Hauser pointed out that ‘May 1st is also a Socialist-Communist holiday, and that may not be a coincidence.’  It isn’t every day you hear reporting of this caliber.

“I sat through the commercials at the break, Felix, and I noted that sponsors included Ditech Financial Services, Bayer Aspirin, a dietary fiber company, and the manufacturer of a product for head lice—giving the impression that FOX News viewers are constipated, heavily indebted neuralgics with head lice.

“Back to you, Felix …”

Comments

[J. Alva Scruggs]

Some people in marketing have taken to calling the Foxnews watchers the "backwash demographic", as both a nod to Stephen Colbert and an urgent need to remain trendy.

So, Mr. President, please, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. 32% means the glass -- it's important to set up your jokes properly, sir. Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. Okay, look, folks, my point is that I don't believe this is a low point in this presidency. I believe it is just a lull before a comeback.

One could easily get the impression that Foxnews is a giant brainsucking creature that liquifies the brains of its victims, cuts off the tops of their heads, drinks sloppily and carelessly reseals the vessels. Being "constipated, heavily indebted neuralgics with head lice" adds to their woes.

Tangentially, their contempt for "root cause" analysis may be caused by brainstem damage.

[Felix del Campo]

We don't buy the Fox News holodeck simulation of a news report, but think of how many of us have similar responses to the warm pabulum served up by mainstream news outlets. We're outliers too, I guess, a different kind of backwash in a different kind of glass, searching for insight and moral companionship somewhere in the deep space of the Blogosphere.

I still can't get over the Colbert thing. We're thinking of starting a Last Days calendar, marking the date of his coup de crétin, and celebrating it next year over a bottle of Thunderbird.

[J. Alva Scruggs]

Outliers create the culture that eventually gets coopted. It often appears, in retrospect, to have followed an organic pattern. In reality, it is the result of a lot of hard work, some extroverted friendlys bopping around and ultimately cooptation by the mainstream, sometimes very fast, as with the things Malcolm McClaren latched onto.

The populist wingnut culture is built on the base of the detritus of Confederate resentment which, thanks to a hefty, professionally managed PR network, manages to elide the healthy southern culture. The outliers for that are still there, resentful, frequently mentally ill, prone to the paranoid and eager to join organizations like The Minutemen.

Outliers from any of the pockets of culture are nutty, for that matter. There are few people with whom they might talk. Talking to the same people palls, even when they can manage to keep it fresh. They have to put on an act, most of them, in order to make their livings in the mainstream. That's all stressful. Misunderstandings and petty feuds are common as a result. They can be broken, as people and organizations very easily by COINTELPRO-minded types -- for profit, for control, for the sadistic joy of psychos.

It gets tiresome getting the good culture out on the streets. The lack of recognition is actually pretty cool, for most, but the lack of company gets reinforced by the habit of talking to yourself.

The goat dance will save us, Mr. del Campo, if we can get enough dancers.