P O S T E D B Y F E L I X
The House of Representatives approved a today defining the Iraq War as between a man and a woman.
Congressmen speaking in favor of the resolution argued that it would help preserve the sanctity of killing people.
I’m glad they got this off their chests before the fall elections.
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P O S T E D B Y F E L I X
Roving Last Days reporter Rachel Tension watched FOX News for fifteen minutes today and filed this report …
“Well, Felix, it’s looking pretty Right Wing on FOX News tonight. The lead item on Iran was clearly written to stir up anti-Iranian sentiment. FOX News reported that Iran had essentially dared the United Nations to impose sanctions. ‘Prices at the pump will rise,’ taunted the Iranian Foreign Minister. Looks like they’ve got us by the balls.
“There was a story on the ‘Day Without an Immigrant’ protests planned for May 1st. As you know, Felix, pro-immigration activists urged immigrants and their supporters to stay home from work on May 1st to underscore the importance of immigrants to our national economy. FOX News reporter Adam Hauser pointed out that ‘May 1st is also a Socialist-Communist holiday, and that may not be a coincidence.’ It isn’t every day you hear reporting of this caliber.
“I sat through the commercials at the break, Felix, and I noted that sponsors included Ditech Financial Services, Bayer Aspirin, a dietary fiber company, and the manufacturer of a product for head lice—giving the impression that FOX News viewers are constipated, heavily indebted neuralgics with head lice.
“Back to you, Felix …â€
P O S T E D B Y S A L L Y
My nephew, who recently dropped out of college in California, submitted this as his final paper for Psychology 101 …
Many psychometric studies have explored the psychological structures associated with conservative thought and behavior. (1950) by Theodor W. Adorno, et al., correlated fascist and anti-democratic attitudes with a personality structure characterized by an aggressive attitude toward groups that threaten traditional values, a tendency to accept and obey social conventions, and other related qualities. Correlations like these are supported by Robert Altemeyer in his seminal work, . In a study conducted in Israel, Fibert and Ressler (1998) found that measures of intolerance of ambiguity were significantly higher among right-wing students than among their moderate and extreme left-wing peers. , and scientific study after study shows that conservatives are generally a bunch of stodgy, selfish, unempathic shitheads .
Evidence for a high heritability (H) for conservatism comes from the fact that these fuckers tend to cluster in families and breed with one another.
This author recommends that we send all these fuckers to Kansas.
P O S T E D B Y F E L I X
Hey kids, don’t miss out on the hottest electronic reality game on the market! You might have heard it described elsewhere, but here’s how The Game® is really played.
On “Level One: Money,†grab that steering wheel and navigate Senator Lucre down K Street at breakneck speeds as he collects bribe after bribe from Well-Heeled Washington Lobbyists! But don’t get too greedy: You need to hurry back to Congress in time to water down proposed Lobbying Legislation! In the Big Bonus Round, help the senator sink as many putts as possible during his Golf Junket in Scotland! Loads of fun!
On “Level Two: Drugs,†use your joystick to direct Nancy, the anorexic wife of a Prominent U.S. Politician, through a Pac Man-like maze. Nancy gobbles Painkillers as she goes (prescription, of course!), pursued all the while by four members of the Liberal Media! Because Nancy leads the national “Take a Pass on Grass†campaign, you win big Hypocrisy Points for each painkiller she ingests! At the end of the round, a Mario-like character with a southern twang hops across the screen shouting, “But I didn’t inhale! I didn’t inhale!†Oh boy! …
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