Last Days of a Great City

Rachel's Guide to Commenting on Blog Posts

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No. of Martinis	Commenting Strategy/Tactics
1	Read the post carefully. Try to get a feel for the values, beliefs, and desires of the author. Assume the best about the author: he, like you, is trying to find his way in the world. Leave a comment that respects his intentions but extends the discussion in some interesting way.
2	Skim the post. Wonder why the author is indulging himself by taking so long to get to his main point. Entertain the suspicion that if you met him face to face, it wouldn’t be a completely pleasant experience. Leave a comment that gives the author a snap of the towel on his partially exposed conceptual buttocks.
3	Try to hold one or two key words from the author’s post in your quickly dissolving consciousness. Does he care? Does the fucker really care what you say about his barely comprehensible screed? You don’t, why should he? The stupid fucker is quoting fucking Husserl for chrissakes. Fuck him. Write something that subverts the author’s intended meaning. Laugh out loud at your funny comment and pour yourself another drink.
4	Ignore the post completely. Try to focus on the stupid shithead thing you’re writing. What is it? You don’t even know, you stupid fuck. Wha wha wha. b b b …
5

Introducing Smell-o-Blogging!

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A new concept in blogging!  Here’s how it works:  First, go for two days without bathing.  Next, read the sample earnest political post, below.  When you encounter a boldface number in brackets, refer to the handy chart at left, then scratch and sniff the body part corresponding to that number!  Hours or even days of fun for the entire family!

There’s this item, from the April 24 Wall Street Journal:

Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez [1] is planning a new assault on Big Oil [2], potentially taking a major step toward nationalization of Venezuela’s oil industry that could hurt oil company profits, reduce production and put further pressure on global oil prices.

Historically, left-leaning populist governments have not fared well in our hemisphere.  Previous democracy-loving U.S. administrations [2] have toppled democratically-elected regimes in Chile, Nicaragua, and the Dominican Republic, to name a few, and Mr. Chávez’s cheeky desire to have the Venezuelan oil industry benefit Venezuelans will likely, uh, fuel the anti-Chávez sentiments of U.S. administration hawks [2].

Roving Last Days reporter Rachel Tension spoke with Mr. Chávez by telephone and asked him if he feared being crushed under America’s democracy-loving heel [3].  “Que pinga,” he replied.  “I recently acquired a Sweater of Invincibility from Evo Morales, President of Bolivia [4].  He’s no friend of your microcephalic president [2], but he seems to be doing alright.”